Ok... boy from Texas done. Completely and totally done. I'm sorry, but if you can't even return and EMAIL, you're not worth my time. Which is sad, cause he had a lot of potential. Whatever dude.

However, that's not what this post is about. Oh no. This post is about my ex... my stupid, f*cking, cock-sucking ex. By all rights, I should hate this guy. He f*cked me royally. He managed to quasi-steal my car, drain my bank account when said car got ticketed and towed for too many parking tickets, cheated on me, treated me like I wasn't a valid human being but rather a p*ssy with a head attached and was just plain asinine. Not a Good Guy. And truth be told, I don't even have feelings for him, he's managed to kill all of those.

And yet...

I read on his myspace blog today (what? You know you have stalkerish tendancies too) the following:

I have also met one of the sweetest girls that just always seems to make me smile, and for some reason I always seem to think about.

Which for some stupid reason made my heart drop to my stomach. I mean seriously, Tina, THIS GUY F*CKED YOU OVER. Can't you just get over it already? I don't want to be with him, I might even be happy never seeing him again, but just something in those words makes me... grr! Part of me wants to say, "But I thought I made you feel that way... cause that's what you said, how could you say that to anyone else?" And another part of me wants to find this girl and be like "he's a lying sack of sh*t."

And this after going out on one of the most spectacular dates that I've gone out on with a guy ever. WTF, man?

I think I am now, officially, being ignored by the boy from Texas. It has been three days and I have NOT initiated conversation--which, by the way, STILL consists of nothing more than IMs--and he has neglected to dignify my existence with a mere hello. At this point, I'm realizing I should just cut my losses and give up. Besides, it might have been weird anyways seeing that he is the older brother of my baby sister's boyfriend (that's right folks, keepin' it all in the family).

In other news, one of the blogs I read just reviewed Battlestar Gallactica. I'm VERY excited for this series. As the blogger points out, it was rated one of the 10 best shows on T.V. last year and its got a bit more depth than Star Trek, which I adored as a kid. I have yet to watch any of the episodes, but I'll keep you updated. I want to try and find a way to work this into my WP121 class really, really badly. Hell, I wish I could skip this whole teaching freshman comp crap and teach a Sci-Fi Literature/Movie class. *sigh* If only

Tonight is a low key night. My sister and I bought two bottles of wine, currently have four DVDs (including the aforementioned Battlestar) and ordered Thai food. Its going to be a nice relaxing night. The cats are being uber cute--PK's on her tree, her back end hanging out of her hidey hole, and Tai is busy dreaming in his sleep. He does the cutest thing where he opens and shuts his mouth, like he's noshing on nummies (aka wet food) and occasionally emits these little growls and grunts. Its quite endearing. If the damn camera was working, I'd take pictures.

We've got The Illusionist to watch tonight. I didn't hear of this movie, but its got Ed Norton in it. And I would have Ed Norton's babies. I'll let you know how it turns out.

That is all.

Please, for the love of GOD, explain men to me? I know I've been posting a lot lately about men and my men woes, and most likely am starting to sound like a angsty teen girl, but seriously. Why do men leave? Why do men feel the need to conceal? Why do mean leave bizarre, un-decipherable text messages such as this:

Not myself lately, lots going on! U know I will never turn my back on you. But I need to think things through where I am right now! And the thoughts of you will only cloud my judgement right now more than it may be! Hopefully you understand. Please give me time, I promise to call when appropriate.

Ummm... dude, I called to say hi to a friend (ok, ex-first love, but seriously we're friends now!) and that's all.

Seriously. I'm starting to wonder if indeed women are more sane than we're given credit for. Yeah, we're all clingy and need emotional reassurance but in light of unfolding events pertaining to the men in my life lately, we are, BY FAR, more stable then they are.

And at least we know how to use a phone. I mean, for the love of GOD, why do boys prefer text messages and some form of IM? I'm starting to suspect that they are all incapable of communication on any level. And that they may be cowards at heart. I'm seriously, why can't the boy from Texas (which don't EVEN get me started) pick up a phone? And maybe, just maybe, I am a little anxious about this guy--we had a bizarre talk, no excuse me, IM, where he asked where "this" was going and I replied, I don't know, you're in TX, to which he replied I guess its just for fun and we'll see. And that was when we were IMing every day. Now, I'm lucky if he IMs.

Seriously. And lets not forget my Ex who was all gun-ho for me to come visit until I confronted him via email (cause I'm a pussy--shut up) about the girlfriend he forgot to tell me about. He couldn't disappear faster.

And now, SERIOUSLY, this weirdo text message from ex-first-love. WTF, man? Has the sun flipped around on its axis, the moon drifted to close to the Earth? Did they all take their crazy pills at once?

Seriously.

A lot has happened since the New Year, some not so good (which I will not talk about here) and some good. The following musings are, well, exactly that.

My ex (long story made short: we lived together. I loved him, he cheated, we tried being friends, didn't really work, but tried again anyways, he moved to Florida) recently acquired a girlfriend and for some strange reason, it made me incredibly sad. Now, let me qualify this by saying that when it comes to matters of the heart and love, I may be f*cked up--seriously and irreversibly f*cked up. For example, this ex and I did not part on the best of terms, yet when I found out he had a new girlfriend, I immediately felt sad and wished we had never broken up. I KNOW he's not good for me, nor (in all fairness) am I good for him. Nor do I still love him--he/we said and did too many evil things to each other to actually possess that feeling. Yet, here I am, knowing he's moved on and is probably in love with some girl that isn't me. Dunno... maybe some small vain part of myself wanted him to pine away for me forever and always...

In other boy news...the boy from Texas that I met over Christmas Break has been MIA for two days. I'm giving him three before I cut my losses and run. Yeah right, who am I kidding? I'm most likely going to continue to obsess and potentially become bitter. Bitter's such a lovely shade on me these days.

School started up on Wednesday. I'm not taking any classes this semester (woot woot!) but am teaching and (insert ominous music) writing my thesis. So far, though, so good. The Little Darlings II are quite rambunctious and talkative, and a very diverse group. The (insert ominous music here) thesis is coming along swimingly. Now, if I could only find a job for next year! I'm thinking Savannah GA for three reasons:

1. Its different, I've never lived in the South. I think I would make a good displaced Southern Yankee.
2. The combo of new and, more importantly, old buildings apeals to the closet historian and romantic in me. For serious, what is more romantic than an old plantation house draped in Spanish moss?
3. I've been obsessed with Savannah since reading John Berendt's Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. I love this book with its drag queens, eccentric characters, and murder mystery. I have read it no less than 10 times.
   

So if anyone knows of a college that's hiring, please let me know!

7:47 p.m. the exact moment my heartbroke.

Am trying really hard to hate and be angry at the situation and not at the person. Everyone deserves happiness but this, this is just such a fucked up way to achieve that goal. So many questions running through my mind: what happens next? Can things ever be normal again? When did this happen? Why couldn't we stop it.

Most of all, I wonder "are we still a family?"

I went home for Christmas and New Years, intending (per usual) to be bored out of my mind. Most of my friends that I grew up with either live too far away and don't bother to come home anymore, are married with children, or (like me) go home to spend time with family and thus have little time for much else. So I was fully prepared for 10 p.m. bed times, a few game nights, and little else.

Then a funny thing happened. My sister's boyfriend's older brother was home on leave (R&R? I've no clue which one is correct) and we hung out a lot... we're talking 4 or 5 a.m. every single night. Now, this is a kid that I vaguely remember from high school, he was a grade ahead of me but never on any sort of social radar--then again, neither was I. He was as big, if not bigger, geek than I was. But, man! Did he grow up! To sound like a complete ninny, he's a hottie!

But more than that, he's actually a really cool guy. We're talking funny, sweet, considerate, interesting. And I never new. I had a moment where I felt really bad because, with my precarious high school status as borderline geek, and his definite status as geek, I never gave him the time of day in high school and now I feel like I may have missed out on a potentially worthwhile friendship. And it makes me sad for the girl that I was then and the woman I am now that I was so shallow. And now, it may be too late as he lives in Texas and I'm stuck here in Boston.

Stupid Texas.

*sigh*

So it's a new year, and with a new year come new resolutions. But I've decided I'm not making any, I never keep them anyways. What I am going to do I make a list of goals. How are these goals different than resolutions, you ask? Simple.

Rather than say, this is the year that I'm going to start going to the gym and get all skinny, I've said this year, I'm going to one healthy thing to better my body be it a better more balanced diet or picking up a new activity that will increase my endurance and physicality. Another: this year I will spend at least two weekends a month working for some charity. Another: I will finish my thesis.

See goals.