I got this call from a good friend of mine last night. It went a little something like this:

Friend: So... I've got to ask. Are you seeing anyone?
Me: (shrieking in abject rage and frustration) You've GOT to be kidding me. Seriously, you did not just ask that.
Friend: (laughing) I know, but he's freaking out. I guess he was seeing someone who said...
Me: (interrupting, and pissed) Yeah, I know about that. You can tell him exactly what I've been telling him--I'm seeing my thesis. Seriously, he's such a WOMAN.

The person in question is this boy that I had gone on a few dates with, hung out with, and may-or-may-not-have snuggled with on a few occasions. We had "the talk" and I explicitly let him know that I was NOT looking for a boyfriend at this time, as I had a semester to finish out (both teaching wise and thesis wise) and that in all likelihood, I was moving out of state at the end of the summer and am in capable of carrying on a long distance relationship.

Translation: I just ain't that into you, buddy.

Which I thought he was fine with. On paper, this guy is pretty cool. He's thoughtful, educated, has a job and so forth. However, he started to do things that just really irked me. Like the sounds he makes when he's eating. Or the level of road rage he exhibits when driving. Or the clingy manner in which he'd whine if I said I couldn't go out--people, it was bad enough that even though I didn't have the money to go out, hadn't showered, and was running on 4 hours of interrupted sleep, I STILL went out cause he whined. Unshowered. Unmake-uped. Un-awake. It pissed the ever loving living shit out of me and was pretty much the clincher on our "budding" relationship. That and the fact that he continually called me (for like four or five days straight) saying something to the effect of "You'd tell me if you were seeing someone else, right? You wouldn't just lead me on would you? Cause I went out with this girl once who said she had to write her thesis but was actually stringing me along while she decided if she wanted to date me or not."

Dude... I'm not that girl. Furthermore, grow some balls buddy and stop acting like a pussy. I'm 28 years old, have basically told you that I'm not that into you (see the book by the sorta same title). I don't have the time. You're 32 years old. Can't you just accept that like a man, and move on? I seriously want to say to him, think about all the things that women have ever done to you that are not attractive. Now all the qualities that men say they don't like in women--the whining, the clinging, the jealousy--you're so totally doing!

So the point is this: the whining like a girl, SO not attractive. The asking my friends (even though they're our mutual friends) to dig for dirt, SO not attractive. The jealously over time spent with other boys (who I've known longer than you), so not attractive. The clingy need for me to call you every single day, SO not attractive.

Dude, stop acting like a girl.

Tags: boys