So, as I can not currently afford a new computer, my computer was sent to the shop for a little tune up. Something with the fan and the internal works heating up and burning my legs just didn't sit well with me. I mean, it is a LAPtop which means I should be able to safely sit it on top of my lap and work, right?

Anyways, lovely Major Computer Company fixed it for free, despite the fact that my warranty ran out. So we packed it up sent it off, and made special arrangements for them to deliver it back to me post-sister's wedding. Everything went fine until I tried to re-insert/install the hard drive last night and...

Blue Screen of Death.

I attempted to reboot, figuring the computer was just being cranky. I even turned it off and walked away, hoping to lull it into submission.

No dice.

After approximately 3 hours of hair pulling and teeth gnashing, I caved and called the number that Major Computer Company has supplied on their summary of services sheet.

Now, I'm fully aware that most major computer companies--hell, any communication company at that--has outsourced their customer support to India. In fact, I wrote a whole long piece for my thesis on this very subject that, if you're interested, is posted some place on this blog (I'm too lazy to try and find it right now). So I wasn't surprised to hear the bubblingly melodious voice from half a world away. What I was surprised at however, was the conversation that unfolded.

After thirty of my precious cell phone minutes had ticked away, and I have informed the voice MULTIPLE TIMES that I have reinstalled the hard drive, that the Blue Screen of Death with the clearly stated ERROR message will, in fact NOT disappear, and that I need tech support, the voice on the other end of the phone asks me this:

CS: Ma'am, did you re-install the hard drive?

Me: (for the millionth time) Yes, I reinstalled the hard drive.

CS: And you still have a blue screen?

Me: (for the millionth time) Yes, I still have the blue screen.

CS: And the error report?

Me: (again, millionth time) Yes, the error report is still there.

CS: And you can not turn the computer on, access your files or the internet?

Me: (*sigh* millionth time) That is correct, I can not turn my computer one, access my files or the internet

CS: Ma'am, it is appearing that you need customer support.

What I want to say: No sh*t Sherlock! You're powers of deduction are astounding!

What I actually say: Exactly!

CS: Ma'am please write this number down. 1-800-gof*ckyourself

Me: Thank you.

CS: And one more thing ma'am. You should try logging on to www.thiscomputercompanysucksbigfatfloppydonkeydick.com. Once there, you can access an online chat with one of our tech support technicians and they should be able to clear up the problem for you.

Urm...Right. Log on. To the computer that won't turn on. Yeah, I'll get right on that....