So I'm a little wiped out right now with the two jobs, and trying to write, and trying to work out (which means I stay up until 2-ish in the morning, get up at 6:30 a.m., work until 9:30 p.m., home around 10:15), I try to catch a few zzz's where I can. Like on the train in the morning. It is mostly quiet, everyone mostly reading their papers, drinking their double non-fat latte mochacino coffee delights and avoiding eye contact. So I figure, hey, what the heck, I'm stuck sitting on this thing for 30-40 minutes, might as well take a nap.

Riiiiiight.

Today there was this man who kept making this weird wet sucking noise, like he was trying to suck some spit in between a gap in his teeth or something. Now, mind you, I didn't notice this sound at first. Until IT WOKE ME UP. A little muddle headed and confused, I blearily looked around with my "I just woke up, don't f*ck with me" face trying to locate the source of the noise. Sure enough its this man standing above me.

Now... by and large I am uber patient with people with mental and physical handicaps. I grew up babysitting for a family that had two autistic kids--one severely autistic, the other high functioning--and they taught me patience, 'cause really, can you get pissed at someone who can't help it? And I'm pretty patient with "normal" people who have weird ticks 'cause God knows I've got a few of them myself. But usually, when said normal person becomes aware that their ticks are impinging on the the rest of us they stop. And this guy didn't look handicapped. In fact, I would go so far as to say he wasn't based on his reading material: The Wall Street Journal. So I figured maybe he just had something stuck and would shortly get it un-stuck.

No freakin' dice. He wetly hoovered the entire way in to town. The. Entire. Way. EVEN after I shot him the look of death, which I KNOW he received as we made eye contact. In fact, after this exchange he moved down the T, but I COULD STILL HEAR HIM. I wanted to stand up and have one of those movie public transportation moments where the crazy lady screams down the length of the train "I CAN STILL HEAR YOU!!!!" but restrained myself. In fact, as I was getting off the T, the man looked at me and sucked in loud and long.

I wanted to smack him.