Seriously, major suckage happening over here on MULTIPLE fronts.

Writing is at an all time low. I was doing SO WELL, getting an average of 4 hours in a day. I was starting to think I was a "for real" writer and then... nothing. Nothing for the past three weeks. WTF. I have free time today, as I have no work scheduled, but now I'm waging a battle between what I'd like to do (write) and what I should do (clean). Days, nay weeks, like this make me feel like why even bother? Like I'm never going to be successful and I might as well just give the fuck up right now.

Looks as though I'm not going to be switching blog platforms. I'm so not in love with Blogger, but it allows me to change the look (assuming I can figure out the new *improved* Blogger) if I so choose--which I do--whereas Wordpress does not. Well, it does but I have to pay for it. And I definitely do not get enough traffic to warrant paying for a little corner of the internets to call my own.

I've been going to the gym for about three weeks now and all it has managed to do is prove to me that I am no longer 23 and thus my body does not bounce back into shape as quickly. In the last two to three years, I've managed to gain about 20+ pounds, which for me is a lot. I've never been athletic perse but I do have an athletic build (0r at least I used to). In my teens and early 20s I could lose weight at the drop of a hat, thus I could eat and drink my face off. Well, not so much anymore. I joined the Y and have been working my ASS off... figuratively not literally. WTF.

*Sigh* Suppose I should clean... or write. Or something.

Labels: exercising, rant, working out, writing

When I first got a cell phone, I went with Cingular because they had the best package for the least amount of money and the best coverage (I got coverage all the way from Boston to Ithaca NY). I loved my new cell phone goodness and, until Cingular became AT&T, I had absolutely no problem what-so-ever with my service.

And then they switched. And the "issues" started.

First there was the rebate, which is the only reason I got my current phone, that came in the form of a gift card vs. a credit on my account. And when said gift card expired a mere six month later, I called and asked that they replace it. This request, which I did not feel was outside the realm of customer requests or expectations, was met with hostile resistance. After speaking on several occasions with different costumer service reps and one manager, they finally reluctantly issued me a new gift certificate DESPITE the fact I asked they apply it towards my bill.

Then there was the phone issue. The current phone I have is a piece of sh*t. It got wet THROUGH MY BACK POCKET (caught in the rain one day) and stopped working. Rather than issue me a new phone, which I felt I rightfully deserved as it was an issue from their end as I felt it was a faulty product and all (I mean hello, the phone I had before this did NOT do that and I dropped it in the freakin' toilet one day), they gave me this whole run around. It took me threatening to pay the $200 to quit their company and go to a major competitor for AT&T to grudgingly offer me a new used phone. Which does not work properly--it cuts out at weird times like when I have all the bars. So, needless to say, I took this phone into the little store in the mall and asked what I can do. I even suggested that perhaps they could give me another gently used phone to replace this gently used phone with. Their response was to say that they couldn't do anything, I had to buy a new phone unless I wanted to send my current phone--at MY EXPENSE--to their phone "body shop" to be fixed which I would have to pick up the tab for.

And then there's today. I get my bill, I look at it and its $90. WTF. I don't call anyone, I have a plethora of roll-over minutes (which expires every 12 months, BTW), and I had switched to a messaging plan that was more than three times the amount of texts I currently had. So... WTF. Come to find out, despite what the guy one the phone who helped me switch had said, I was being charged for going over my previously allotted 400 messages. I was VERY CAREFUL to ask the gentleman I spoke to if that was going to happen as I've learned that you need to do so in order to be prepared to argue the charge on the next bill. Needless to say, I was miffed that I had been charged, expressed said miffedness, and promptly demanded they fix it.

They did.

I'm still switching.

Labels: cell phone, rant

You know... I'm getting really tired of people thinking that just because I don't have a "real" summer job--the kind where you get up at 7 a.m., take a shower, drive off to work all grumpy and slave away for 9 hours a day for just above minimum wage pay--that I'm not working. I'm a WRITER dammit! When I'm not busy working part time for my grandfather (which is a couple days a week) I'm working damn hard to get this book idea hammered out, revise two pieces written over a year ago, and now I've got to do some freakin' research too. Top that off with a desire to get some personal sh*t down around the house (my bedroom hasn't been cleaned in months, my rats are starting to stink and I have YET to mail out my incentive package to my writing buddy--it was supposed to arrive by the end of June) and my days get pretty full pretty damn fast.

Let me explain my writing days to you:

• I get up, usually around 9/10 a.m. I don't sleep well these days--I seem to be falling asleep around 12 a.m. only to wake up three hours later, unable to fall back asleep for about 2-3 hour OR can't fall asleep until 3 a.m.--so honestly, this isn't that late for me as mathematically it amounts to the same amount of time any normal person would be sleeping.
• I shower. Its my coffee.
• I check my email, read some blogs, update my blog/twitter, check in on the websites I contribute to, sometimes work on a piece for said websites, etc. As the Internet in my current humble abode is craptacular, this sometimes eats up 2 hours of my morning. I could cut this, but here's the thing: I approach it as my writing warm up. Some people go to the gym to exercise their bodies and get themselves going for the day. I read/write for a couple of hours to get the juices flowing.
• I eat lunch at 12:30/1:00 p.m.
• At about 1:00 p.m., I sit down to write. I set a timer for FIVE AND A HALF HOURS and write (which isn't nearly enough time BUT at least its some time, and I'm guess that when my "real" job kicks back up in August, that's about all the time I'll be able to write anyways). No freakin' T.V., no fun reading, no playing games... just writing.
• At 6:30 p.m. I take a HALF HOUR break. I pee, I catch up with my mom (she's usually home by then) decide if she's making diner or if I am and re-read some of what I've written.
• If I'm making diner, I won't get back to writing that day. If not, I'll work for another 2-3 hours (usually reading, revising and adding to what I've written that day).
• Watch 2-3 hours of T.V. depending on what day of the week it is. I need a brain break and I love my programs.
• 11:00 in bed. I usually use this time to free write or outline an idea for a chapter.
• 12:00 asleep: the cycle begins anew.

The only time this schedule changes is if, like today, I've got other sh*t to do. Today, I need to clean my room, clean my rats, run to Ithaca to GET my package items together and mail them, procure a membership to the library so I can start researching some elements for my novel... and all of this will probably eat up my writing time.

Let me clarify something. Writing is a full time job, one that (currently) I am not getting paid for. Its not some little hobby that I've developed, its not me finding a way to be lazy about housework or other obligations. Its me doing what I KNOW I was born to do. It requires just as much dedication to routine and discipline as any other job out there. And despite talent and that stupid M.F.A. it's still freakin' hard. If I want to get good at it, if I want to move up the metaphorical ladder of success, if I want to get promoted, I need to practice it every single day.

So no, I CANNOT pick up your dry cleaning. Nor will I wait around until the mail comes so I can personally courier your pay check to you. No I will not plan your summer class for you. No, I cannot meet you for lunch, go shopping, or come hang down at the lake. I'm too busy WORKING.

Labels: rant, writing

Ah yes... the snow has melted, the squirrles have come out of hibernation, and the sounds of agonized college instructors from a certain college calculating their grades proir to them being signed-off on by their craptacular boss fill the air.

That's right folks, its end of Term II and I am rage filled. Why, you ask? Here's a snippet from the email exchange I engaged in with my boss. You'll note, it starts with a simple question:

Me: I understand that you want us to have the portfolios that need to be signed off on to you today. However, here's my quick question. What if a portfolio, based on a rough estimate of grades, is an A- BUT participation and their final grade bump them up to an A, or, conversely, down from an A to an A-?

Boss Man: What you're describing sounds like an A-. (Unanswered Question #1)

Me: And I understand that. My question is, what happens if those grades, which are NOT included in the portfolio grade, bump the student's grade up from an A- to an A? Do I need to re-submit to you, or make a case to you, or something along those lines? (Notice, I have just asked THE SAME QUESTION...)

Boss Man: Make a case based on accomplishment rather than improvement. The average number of As per section so far is 1.7. (Notice how adroitly this man has managed NOT to answer my question. Rather than provide a straight answer, he attempts to blind me with lame-o statistics...)

Pause: Dear reader(s), what you need to understand is that the college I work at has this thing with grade inflation. They don't want it to happen. So rather than letting the chips fall where they may, they cook the f*cking books. They put a cap on how many As may be give in a term, and have instituted this new policy where we have to send our boss our A grades in a ranked order so that he may cut the bottom two.

Me: How are you differentiating between "accomplishment' and "improvement,' as those are two very ambiguous words. To me, its a pretty big accomplishment if a student has re-written and revised a paper four or five times to the point where they no longer focus on a summary of texts, but rather argument. This additionally shows improvement as they have improved their academic writing skills from reportage to argument. See what I mean? (You'll note that at this point, I've changed tactics. I'm asking for clarification still, but I'm focusing on words that can be interpreted many different ways...)

Boss Man: If the final result is an A portfolio with no halo effect, then the grade is an earned A. (Go ahead and ask... cause I did... What the HELL is a "halo effect?")

Me: What do mean by "halo effect"? I apologize for the deluge of questions, I just want to make sure that I'm doing right by my students.

Boss Man: Yes, I do understand; but you also must make sure they meet the standards of the Program. I have the same problem every term. (Notice: UNASWERED QUESTION #3... WTF, dude!)

Me: (highly irate by this time... as I've yet to get a straight answer) they do meet the standards. I'm not willy nilly handing out letter grades. I've kept very diligent records of all required elements that this course contains. These are not students who, out of the kindness of my heart, I want to gift an A to. Rather, these are students who, when the accounting is completed (and I've run a few different scenarios) are potentially bumped up from an A- to an A based on the merit of their participation (which is almost equal to the portfolio grade as it is 40% of the final grade). We're talking students who have done every single one of the 27 homework assignments I gave them, haven't missed a single class, scored an A on their presentations, and have diligently revised and reworked all essays, even if the essay already earned an A- or A. These are students who's preliminary portfolio grades add up more than a 1.8 , which when you add that with a possible 2.0 on the remaining grading requirements (participation and a final) they score a higher than an 3.8 overall.

These are contentious, hardworking students who have excelled within the writing program for the simple reason that they consistently make the most effort to improve their writing skills so that they are accomplishing the goals set before them by their instructor and, subsequently, the writing program. This is why, for me, those two words accomplishment and improvement are ambiguous as a select few students have improved to the point that their resulting improvements are accomplishments in themselves.

So when I say I'm trying to do right by my students, do not think that this is an easy task. I've already dumped from A consideration, without remorse, an additional 3 students who received high A- but not high enough (i.e. a 1.7-1.8 combined portfolio grade).

And I'm still unsure what you mean by "halo effect."

Pause: At this point, my boss switches tactics. I'm pretty certain the next email he sent me, under the heading of "Standards," was BCCed to all sorts of grand and powerful people. Take a gander... you'll note that he changes to the use of my full name and pretty much says I'm sh*t walking the earth.

Boss Man: Christina,The short answer is four As in Term I put you on the radar screen with the powers. History shows that three As per lecturer is the average for Term II. Dr. Coleman and I invented averaging the draft grades two years ago to help lecturers prevent grade inflation. If you average the grades for just the 10-pager, I bet you will avoid grade inflation neatly.

And finally... me. Again. And BTW--NOBODY GAVE THEM GRADES ON THE 10-PAGER. We gave what is commonly known as ghost grades so as to motivate the slackers to complete the assignment. Also... who averages grades on drafts, I ask you? NO ONE would ever get an A. And I bet you $10 my boss doesn't do it...

Me: (after slyly hitting REPLY ALL so it goes to The Powers as well as Bossman) This last email has confused me. At the beginning of this term, you informed me that I was one of two new instructors that graded as the department and the college wished us to grade, and thus did not "give away the store" as some of the other instructors did. I was under the assumption, based on the praise that you verbally gave me, that my grading was actually quite rigorous. Was this an inaccurate assumption to make, as it appears that the four As I awarded my Term I students were in fact something that has brought me under scrutiny?

I do not feel as though I am engaging in grade inflation. Rather, I was attempting to raise some, what I viewed, as pertinent questions regarding the grading of ALL elements for this class. I believe for next year the percentages awarded to various categories need to be looked at and evaluated. 40% of their grade is based on participation--if a B+ or A- student (for arguments sake) turns in all the homework, does not miss a single class, gives a really solid presentation, etc., there is a possibility that this participation grade can drive their overall grade up to an A. Like wise, the opposite is possible: a student who has an A portfolio could be a student who's missed a number of class, presented badly, and missed a handful of homeworks. The 40%, if a "bad" grade, can drive the grade down from an A to B+ or lower.

My emails were not intended to incite any sort of verbal sparring. Rather, I was seeking some understanding of how you were going to be evaluating my students portfolio vis-à-vis the grading of the remaining elements (participation and the final). Additionally, all I requested was further clarification of terms and ideas that can, very plausibly, be interpreted differently by individuals.

If this is something that I need to be evaluated or coached on by "the powers," then I am open to that criticism, as it may be helpful to my continuing development as an instructor.


Heh. Lets see what happens. I'm emailing all my A students a congratulatory note anyways so if they don't get the A... they can sick mommy and daddy on the spineless wonder that is Bossman.

Labels: rant, work

Ok... so I hold no love for the college that I work for. It breed mediocrity. I mean, who has the right to tell an instructor that they can not give more than 2 A's per class? And, if a third A is given, will deny a student that A EVEN IF THEY'VE EARNED IT? What kind of writing class focuses on reading vs. writing? What kind of place doesn't let the instructors have ANY AUTONOMY WHAT SO EVER concerning the decisions made for their class? What kind of place encourages instructors to break laws and nark on their students to deans of the college? Oh yeah, the place I work for.

My latest rant about this place concerns the fact that I can not sign students into my class. My class is not full, I *technically* have two spots open in one class, and could make another student fit into the other if need be. I, like most college instructors, do not relish the full class. In fact, I am the scariest b*tch possible the first week so as to get the little darlings pissing down their legs and, hopefully, fleeing in fear of their lives. That said, I have three students from last semester who want back into my class.

But I can't sign them in. My BOSS has to. Furthermore, my boss claims that they can't do it until Monday... which puts them a week BEHIND all the other students. IF they're able to sign-in at all. So then I'll have to play catch up with them, which sucks balls big time.

I know my limits. I had 39 students last semester. 37 this semester is not going to break me.

Let my people go....

Labels: rant, work