August 30, 2006
Thirteen Sketchy Things My Cats Do

1. Insist on following me into the bathroom when I'm, er..., "taking care of business." Then, as I am in the process, assume the "meatloaf" position (front legs tucked under, tail curled tight to the body), blink contentedly and purr.

2. Darting out from underneath/behind things to attack my feet when I've just woken up, causing me to trip and nearly break my neck.

3. Curling up directly on top of my head, preferably across my face, thus cutting off my oxygen supply (I swear, they plot my death!).

4. Barfing for no apparent reason... and not on the floor where the yuck-yuck is easily cleaned up. Oh no, smack dab in the middle of my dry-clean only king-sized comforter... Every. Single. Time.

5. Chasing non-existent bugs on the wall. Pretty Kitty will jump up and down, scrabble at the wall with her feet and growl in frustration when trying to catch the elusive buggers.

6. Excessive shedding... and we're talking enough hair to make yarn and knit a sweater with DAILY. Seriously, they're not big cats. Where does all the hair come from?

7. Yowling... suddenly. We'll all be sleeping, and BAM! That distinctive Siamese wail cuts like a knife through your soul and there's no getting back to sleep for hours.

8. Possession by the "crazies." Remember Linda Blair in the Exorcist, all head turning and eye-rolling? Now picture two cats running around unprovoked, bouncing off of furniture and the walls, ears back, eyes wide, yowling. And then suddenly stopping and pretending nothing happened.

9. Laying at my feet while I'm on the computer. Pretty Kitty is largely guilty of this. She won't sit on my lap but she'll lay at my feet like some obedient lap dog. It was endearing at first. Now I think she secretly hopes to trip me when I get up, causing me to smack my head on the corner of the futon and die.

10. Digging in my plants. The litter box is clean... why try to uproot my plants?

11. Speaking of the litter box... I swear Tai is attempting to dig a hole to China. He'll stand either in or out of the poo-box and scratch for hours. Mind you, he hasn't "taken care of business," he's just building sandcastles.

12. Laying on top of my dirty laundry. If I'm dumb enough to leave the closet door open, it's guaranteed that I will come home to find one if not both of the cats snuggled up with my smelly gym clothes.

13. Playing with my bras. Tai will hunt through my dirty laundry, pick out a bra and proceed to drag it into the middle of the living room floor and roll on it. This perverted display is most often exhibited when I have company over and ESPECIALLY if said company is of the male persuasion.

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posted by Tina at 4:17 PM
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